One Night Stand Predictions

One Night Stand is on Sunday. Like a real one night stand, you have to pay $40 or more for it and the money is never worth it. Anyway, me, Majoordood (my brother), and Deadopossum (friend) got together and talked about this PPV. Here are our predictions:


Jeff Hardy vs. Umaga- Falls Count Anywhere

Roadkill: Jeff Hardy will win this. They're not going to make him lose because this is his second PPV since his return and that would make him look weak. (They already made the PPV loss mistake with Jericho, which means they might be smart enough to not screw it up now). Also, the WWE is trying to make it look like Hardy has no chance, but every time they do that the "weaker" person wins.

Majoordood: Honestly, Jeff Hardy is going to lose. I just know it.

Deadopossum: Umaga defeats Jeff Hardy.




Batista vs. Shawn Michaels- Stretcher match

Roadkill: HBK wins with some help of Jericho.

Majoordood: It's a little close to call, but I say Batista.

Deadopossum: Michaels



#1 contenders match, winner faces Kane at Night of Champions- Singapore Cane on a pole match

Roadkill: Big Show

MD: Show will win, but I think Punk will cash in MITB later in the night to win the ECW title.

DP: Show wins.


Melina vs. Beth Phoenix- I Quit match

RK: It's really close, but I think Melina wins after a few shot with her boot and her submission hold- I have no idea what it's called.

MD: Beth Phoenix by a long shot.

DP: Roadkill, your brother is right. Melina has no chance in hell.


John Cena vs. JBL- First Blood match

RK: Cena, but man. Bradshaw has to win once in a while. They should have him win this match, but Cena will to keep the little kids quite. Imagine if Cena lost- little Timmy wouldn't shut the hell up. It'd be "Daddy, Bwardshaw is a big meany stupidhead. He beated John Cena. Why you take me aw da way to San Jeigo if Jonh Cena wost?! Screw you daddy. I like mommy now." The dad would be all pissed and go to his wife, "I told you I shoulda worn a condom." Then he would leave and little Timmy would have no father. He would grow up a criminal and he would become president of Venezuala. He would nuke Stamford (bye-bye Tiatn Towers) and he would force the rest of the world to become like one of Venezuala's state prisons. Imagine Mrs.McDougal next store playing rolling roullete. Or Mr.Ivankloffski who just moved from Russia shooting at Eric, the emo kid who lives around the corner.

MD: I say that Roadkills being ridiculous, but I still think that Cena will win.

DP: Cena kicks asch.

RK: What the hell is asch.

DP: Ass.

RK: Then say ass, you ass.

DP: The FCC may be reading.

RK: THE FCC! REALLY?! I can't f'n belive you. Hey, I meant to right the F word.

FCC Worker: Deadopossum is right. The FCC is reading. We are sensoring your site until One Night Stand.

RK: What the hell just happened? I thought you guys were in charge of radio and- ohh snap. Thanks JBL.

JBL: Your welcome.

RK: You just Closelined the FCC worker. He is a nice guy. He SHOULD GET HIS PUSH, WWE. AND I'M NOT JUST MAKING THIS UP AS I'M GOING ALONG. NO SIREE-

Sorry, but Roadkill was mauled by the entire FCC while finishing this article. The FCC sued him for hiring the APAto take out the FCC guy. Yes, the APA. Simmons couldn't make it. Anyway, RK countersued and won a million dollars, paying WWE to make Triple H and The Undertaker win at One Night Stand.

Too many Surprises in WWE

I thought about it long and hard. WWE has been shocking us too much lately. I have evidence, too. It was Royal Rumble 2008. We werte awaiting entry #30, when Cena's music hits. He comes in and wins the match. We all thought he wouldn't return until later this month, but that's not the case. Then even more shock, he uses his title shot at No Way Out. That's against tradition! And it's shocking! Cena loses, and the main event for Wrestlemania is HHH vs. Orton vs. Cena for the WWE title. Or at least we thought it was going to be the main event. It's right after Bunnymania, and before Big Show vs. Mayweather. We had a long night before WM was over. We all thought HHH or Cena was going to win, but Orton does. Then he loses it a month later. What the hell was the point of that?! You had a heel win Raw's WM main event but the good guy wins it at a lackluster PPV?! It's official- WWE tries to shock us too much.

Thoughts On Last Nights Raw

Raw is getting better every week in my opinion. And Smackdown is getting worse every week. Go figure. Last night on Raw we saw Jeff Hardy and Umaga in a match, only to end in a draw. These two will fight in a Falls Count Anywhere Match and ECW One Night Stand. The match type caught me as surprising, becuase Cena and Khali fought in one in last year's main event. This year's main event is a Last Man Standing match between HHH and Orton for the WWE title, but we saw that same exact match at No Mercy. This is why this PPV gets the lowest PPV buyrate every year. No one wants to see the main event. I would've went with a Falls Count Anywhere for the main event. And instead of JBL and Cena fighting in a First Blood, I would like a Last Man Standing match. Hardy vs. Umaga: First Blood would've been fine. Also, Batista beat Jericho, meaning that he will fight HBK at One Night Stand. The way they handled this whole thing from Backlash on is retarded. They could make Jericho and Batista turn heel and make it a 2 on 1 stretcher match, but that's not gonna happen. Or Jericho and HBK could gang up on Batista so it would kinda make sense, but WWE isn't smart enough to do that. Also, WWE made this storyline look more retarded than Timmy from South Park last night when they made the "Winner faces HBK at One Night Stand" stipulation. I could see if HBK was a title holder, and this were a title match, but COME ON. That's like making a, "Winner gets to be rivals with HBK for a month" stipulation. Batista should've interfered with the match on Sunday, his match with Jericho shouldn't have had a stip, and HBK should've just came out and superkicked the living crap outa him. Also, Pheonix beat Maria, HHH and Cena lost to JBL and Orton and oh- Regal was fired. He lost to Mr.Kennedy in a No DQ loser is fired match. This makes no sense, after he took Raw off the air, and he messed with matches, and made crazy stips. He should be un-fired and he should rival with Kennedy a little longer. Oh well, this is Roadkill. See you next time, I guess.

Judgement Day 2008 Result: Cena/JBL, Miz and Morrison vs. Kane and Punk

Unlike I predicted, Cena beat JBL and Miz and Morrison retained their tag titles. I could see me being wrong on Cena's match, but I was shocked that Morrison and Miz retained their titles.

Judgement Day Predictions

It's that time of year again, kids. That time when you order a PPV around May 19th, but Kane isn't even angry. Not one bit. It's Judgement Day! This year, we have Kane in a sqaush match! HHH in a cage match! Cena in yet another sqaush match! Boy, watching this is probably going to be worse than the real Judgement Day. Anyway, here are my predictions for this uneventful PPV (Remember, I predict the matches in the order I want to see them):



Kane and CM Punk def. Miz and John Morrison for WWE TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH
This one wasn't a hard choice. It's pretty darn obvious that they'll win, and tha Punk will turn on Kane after a title defense, and he'll win the ECW title thanks to the MITB case. WWE, you never fool me.

JBL def. John Cena
I originally thought Cena would win, but then I did some deep thinking. The winner of this match or Y2J/HBK will probably get the next WWE title shot. Jericho isn't ready yet, and his fued with Michaels is starting to get good, and I would like to see it last a little longer. JBL/Cena isn't exactly that good. Besides, we've seen this rivalry a million times already. I think JBL wins, and earns a #1 contender's spot on Raw.

BONUS MATCH: Umaga and Mark Henry def. Mr.Kennedy
There are only 6 matches tonight, and most of the outcomes are obvious. Kennedy/Regal was highly anticipated (by me atleast) but it's just not happening tonight. So, Regal makes Kennedy vs. Regal with the winner being King of the Ring for tonight, after the opening match. While he is entering, he announces that Umaga and Mark Henry will be representing him tonight. Kennedy is doing good. Umaga is out of the ring, and he is dominating Henry. He hits the Kenton Bomb, The Lambu Leap (Or was it Greenbay plunge? I forget.), and the Mic Check on Henry. Henry is out cold. While he is pinning him, Umaga belly flops Kennedy. He picks him up and Samoan Spikes him for the win. Everyone leaves, but Henry is still out cold. Big Show's music hits, and the crowd goes crazy. He is going to chokeslam Henry, but Mark reverses it into a World's Strongest Slam. Two fueds in one match. Pretty damn good, ain't it?

Mickie James def. Beth Phoenix, Melina WOMEN'S TITLE MATCH
Mickie wins after a Chick Kick (Mick Kick?) to Melina and one to Beth Phoenix

Shawn Michaels def. Chris Jericho
HBK wins exactly how he won at Backlash. A Walls of Jericho injures his leg a little. He gets up and Superkicks the crap out of Jericho for a victory.

Edge def. The Undertaker WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH
Edge and The Undertaker hit their finishers multiple times. The match ends after The Undertaker hits a Last Ride on Edge. Edge hangs on and locks in the Gogoplata. Taker taps, and Edge is the new WHC.

Triple H def. Randy Orton WWE TITLE STEEL CAGE MATCH
Triple H is the obvious choice here. I would like to see him Pedigree Orton at the top of the Cage, too. My guess is that JBL will be his next #1 contender.

Well, there you have it. I will be doing this again in 2 weeks for One Night Stand, where every match will be an extreme rules match. Because that worked SO well last year.

The best idea for a tournament ever

I had a weird dream. There were these bees. They all were doing Dane Cook's hand signal. Weird. They were chasing me because I called Lewis Black a faggot. Even Weirder, because Lewis Black is funny but a little crazy and I would never do that. Then they stung me, but I wasn't hurt. I sung the Beatles' "Imagine". I woke up. I kinda knew it was a dream, because if it wasn't, that would've been one of those visions you see when you take too much LSD. (Hey, that ryhmes!) Then I thought of an idea for a movie- a bee movie. No, not the one with Jerry Seinfeild that you hated but watched because your 4 year-old son wouldn't stop begging you to get off your lazy ass and take him to the movies. No. Now, they've had Snakes on a Plane, Cockroaches on a Skateboard, and even Michael Jackson and Herbert from Family Guy in a dark closet with little Timmy, but those don't even come close to the horror in this movie, titled- AFRICAN KILLER BEES IN A PURSE. It gives you the creeps already, doesn't it? Anyway, the first scene starts out with little old Mrs.McDougal from across the street, getting into her car. She sees bees, and they come towards her car. They are going to sting her, because she's too old to roll up the window or actually drive. They sting her and theopening credits roll. They show a 16 year-old girl talking to one of her boyfriends on the phone. The bees sting the crap out of her, and make a hive in her purse. In the next scene, Captain Underpants kills all the bees. The movie ends at Christmas when Tiny Tim finally gets that big red firetruck he wanted. We could even get Samuel L. Jackson to yell, "I'm tired of these motherf'n African Killer Bees in this motherf'n purse." This would would definetely win an Oscar. I'm positive of that. Anyway, I've been thinking of how much tournaments like Beat the Clock Sprints and that tourny we saw on SD suck. WWE should think of a new tournament, something more interesting. Something like, A BallPark Tournament. Some of you may be thinking, "Man, what the hell is a ballpark tournament." First of all, how dare you question me! Second of all, this tournament is a little complicated. Not as complicated as TNA's Feast or Fired, but complicated. There are 4 -6 people involved. You chose a "9th inning", or a deadline. This tournament goes on until the deadline. When you lose, you are elimanated. To win, you must have the most wins by the deadline, or you must be the last one standing. Doesn't it sound like a great tournament?

Thoughts on 5/12 Raw

Raw was good last night. Full of surprises. Here is what I liked and disliked:

GOOD STUFF:
Jeff Hardy's return was very unexpected. They said he wouldn't be back until June, but I guess he came back early. He beat Umaga, and I knew he would right after the mtach was announced.

Cade turned on Murdoch- finally. I was waiting for this to happen.

BAD STUFF:
The "Regal being the most powerful man in WWE" thing is getting retarded.

Everyting else.

CM Punk's MITB Breifcase

Happy belated Mother's day to all, and sorry I haven't blogged in quite a few days. I've been busy with my new dog. She's a beagle, and her name is Layla. After the Eric Clapton song. You actually think I'd name her after a diva? I'm not that obsessed with WWE. Anyway, at Judgement Day, Miz and Morrison are fighting Kane and Punk for the WWE tag titles. (Oh God. I don't think anyone else knew about that. Maybe I am that obsessed with WWE.) When I read about this match, I knew it would suck and thought, "What's the point of this?" Then I realized that Punk is Mr.MITB and Kane is the ECW champion. Kane and Punk would probably win, so they'd rival with Miz and Morrison until ECW One Night Stand. Every match is going to be an Extreme Rules match that night, so Punk could abandon Kane, only to cost their team the match. Punk could cash in his breifcase right then and there, and he would become the new ECW champion. This would make perfect sense, because the MITB is usually used at a lackluster PPV, and last year One Night Stand had the lowest buyrate of 2007.

Thoughts on Smackdown/ ECW Title picture/ Why Regal took Raw off the air

Smackdown was very good last night. I would say great, but from 9:25 to 9:50, it was Friday night "cram a bunch of junk into 25 minutes" Smackdown. The Finlay match and the tag team match weren't nessacery. Besides that, I liked Smackdown.

After The Undertaker was stripped of the world title, what's going down next week? I think I know. Vickie will probably give the title to Edge. The Undertaker will use his rematch clause, making a match at Judgement Day. Khali would ask to be put in, and he would be, but only to "protect Edge from The Undertaker". Of course, Khali would do the exact opposite. Also next week, I would like to see MVP win a #1 contender's match for the U.S. title, making a No DQ match at Judgement Day. (The important part is No DQ). Also, I think that Henry will squash a cruiserweight and Show will yell at him for it- again. This would set up a match for Judgement Day, but the match would be announced later in the week on WWE.com or next week.



Next I want to talk about the ECW title picture. It is not very good. Not good at all. Kane/Chavo is starting to get old. They need to spice up the ECW title picture. I know how they can. At Judgement Day, Kane faces Bam and Chavo is a handicapped match, and if Chavo's side wins, then he is ECW champ. If not, Kane retains his title. Kane would win that match. 2 weeks later, at ECW One Night Stand, Kane and Chavo would fight for the title in an extreme rules match. Kane would win that too. They would be done. Now, the WWE draft was 2 weeks after One Night Stand last year, so I assume that will be the case this year. Anyway, the week before the draft, Kane would warn all new SD and ECW competitors to watch out. He would beat Elijah Burke that night, just to show that he's pretty good. It's the draft now. Snitsky and Mark Henry have been brought to ECW. Mr.Kennedy has been brought to Smackdown. On ECW, Armando Estrada announces that Kane is fighting Snitsky for the ECW title at Night of Champions (the new PPV, premiering June 27th). Kane would beat Snitsky. On the next ECW, Snitsky would beat Chavo and Dreamer in a #1 contender's match for Kane's title. Mark Henry would also beat Kane. Next week, Armando would announce that Kane would defend his title against not only Snitsky, but also Mark Henry in a triple threat match at The Great American Bash. Kane would win that too. On the following ECW, Mark Henry would attack Kane, and it would be announced on WWE.com later that week that Kane will face Mark for the title in a No DQ match at Summerslam. Kane would win. On the following ECW, Kane would face Henry for the title yet again, (singles match) and he would win. On the next ECW, Armando Estrada would announce that CM Punk will get a shot at Kane at Unforgiven, and he wouldn't have to his his MITB breifcase. He says he's getting the title shot because he's a hard worker and he always comes out on top. Mr.Kennedy comes out and says that he has both those qualities, and he should get an ECW title shot. So, Armando makes it Kennedy vs. Punk in a #1 contneder's match later tonight. Kennnedy wins, and he beats Kane at Unforgiven. Kane beats Kennedy in a non-title match on ECW, giving him a title shot at No Mercy. Kennedy would win at No Mercy, but after the match, Punk would cash in his MITB briefcase and win the ECW title. On ECW, Armado brings out Snitsky, Big Daddy V, Mark Henry, Kane, Mr.Kennedy, and CM Punk. He reminds them all that the next PPV is Cyber Sunday, the PPV where fans vote for stuff in each match. He announces that it will be Kane vs. Kennedy vs. CM Punk vs. the fans choice of either Henry, Snitsky, or V for the ECW title at Cyber Sunday. V wins in the voting, but Punk retains at Cyber Sunday.
Well, that's my idea. Hope you liked it.

For those of you wondering, the reason they had Regal take Raw off the air was to plant a seed for an upcoming HHH/Regal fued.

Judgement Day 2008: What I want to see

Judgement Day 2008 is just a few weeks away. I was thinking up a bunch of matches that I would like to see on the card. Take a look:

U.S. Title- Matt Hardy vs. MVP, No DQ match
We've seen these 2 fight, but never in a No DQ match. This would be a nice 20 minute match, and Matt Hardy would come out on top.

Batista and Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels
They both think Michaels is faking the knee injury, and we all know that it was real. Well, its' not really real, but it's supposed to be so the storyline can be continued. Anyway, Michaels could get mad at them for accusing he faked it, and they would get mad, he would challenge them to a handicapped match, and they would accept, and we would have our match. Batista and Jericho win.

ECW Title match- Kane vs. Chavo Guerrero and Bam Neely
They did the same thing with Lashley/Mcmahon last year. If they could do it here, they might be able to save this dying rivalry. Oh, Kane wins.

Women's title- Beth Phoenix vs. Candice Michelle vs. Maria vs. Mickie James
This is a quick match, and Mickie retains.

Big Show vs. Mark Henry
If you read the Smackdown spoilers, you'll see that Big Show yells at Henry for destroying Nunzio. That could set up a match at Judgement Day. It wouldn't be a good match, but still. After what's going to happen on Friday, you'll see why I think this should be a match. Big Show wins.

JBL vs. John Cena
JBL said that he wants Cena on Raw- so why not fight at Judgement Day? Cena wins here in a rather short 10 minute match.

Smackdown World Heavyweight title match- The Great Khali vs. Edge vs. The Undertaker
If you read the SD spoilers, you'd know that The Undertaker is stripped of his title, and then goes on to beat the hell out of Khali. Chances are that Edge will get the title, The Undertaker will use his rematch clause, and The Great Khali would be put in there by Vickie Guerrero to "take out The Undertaker". Khali woud be smarter by taking out Edge too. Edge would win here. After The Undertaker chokeslames Khali, The Undertaker will taunt to the crowd and Edge will pin Khali.

Promo: Trevor Murdoch comes out and says that he hasn't been the best wrestler lately. They show clips of him losing a bunch of matches, Lance Cade's dissapointed face, and Trevor singing to Lance. He says he's sorry that's he dissapointed, but losing is losing, and everyone is in a bit of a slump one in a while. Lance Cade comes out and says that the only person in a slump is Trevor Murdoch. He says that he's ashamed to be his tag team partner and leaves the ring.

World tag team titles- Carlito and Santino Marrella vs. Cody Rhodes and Hardcore Holly
This match has been anticipated for a long time, and I think they should have it at Judgment Day. Santino and Carlito would get on the mic before the match. I think Cody Rhodes and Holly would drop the titles.

WWE Title- Randy Orton vs. Triple H
This match is already happening, and we all know who's gonna win. (Hint: Triple H).

So, there you have it. I hope all these matches happen at Judgement Day.