Judgement Day Predictions

It's that time of year again, kids. That time when you order a PPV around May 19th, but Kane isn't even angry. Not one bit. It's Judgement Day! This year, we have Kane in a sqaush match! HHH in a cage match! Cena in yet another sqaush match! Boy, watching this is probably going to be worse than the real Judgement Day. Anyway, here are my predictions for this uneventful PPV (Remember, I predict the matches in the order I want to see them):



Kane and CM Punk def. Miz and John Morrison for WWE TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH
This one wasn't a hard choice. It's pretty darn obvious that they'll win, and tha Punk will turn on Kane after a title defense, and he'll win the ECW title thanks to the MITB case. WWE, you never fool me.

JBL def. John Cena
I originally thought Cena would win, but then I did some deep thinking. The winner of this match or Y2J/HBK will probably get the next WWE title shot. Jericho isn't ready yet, and his fued with Michaels is starting to get good, and I would like to see it last a little longer. JBL/Cena isn't exactly that good. Besides, we've seen this rivalry a million times already. I think JBL wins, and earns a #1 contender's spot on Raw.

BONUS MATCH: Umaga and Mark Henry def. Mr.Kennedy
There are only 6 matches tonight, and most of the outcomes are obvious. Kennedy/Regal was highly anticipated (by me atleast) but it's just not happening tonight. So, Regal makes Kennedy vs. Regal with the winner being King of the Ring for tonight, after the opening match. While he is entering, he announces that Umaga and Mark Henry will be representing him tonight. Kennedy is doing good. Umaga is out of the ring, and he is dominating Henry. He hits the Kenton Bomb, The Lambu Leap (Or was it Greenbay plunge? I forget.), and the Mic Check on Henry. Henry is out cold. While he is pinning him, Umaga belly flops Kennedy. He picks him up and Samoan Spikes him for the win. Everyone leaves, but Henry is still out cold. Big Show's music hits, and the crowd goes crazy. He is going to chokeslam Henry, but Mark reverses it into a World's Strongest Slam. Two fueds in one match. Pretty damn good, ain't it?

Mickie James def. Beth Phoenix, Melina WOMEN'S TITLE MATCH
Mickie wins after a Chick Kick (Mick Kick?) to Melina and one to Beth Phoenix

Shawn Michaels def. Chris Jericho
HBK wins exactly how he won at Backlash. A Walls of Jericho injures his leg a little. He gets up and Superkicks the crap out of Jericho for a victory.

Edge def. The Undertaker WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH
Edge and The Undertaker hit their finishers multiple times. The match ends after The Undertaker hits a Last Ride on Edge. Edge hangs on and locks in the Gogoplata. Taker taps, and Edge is the new WHC.

Triple H def. Randy Orton WWE TITLE STEEL CAGE MATCH
Triple H is the obvious choice here. I would like to see him Pedigree Orton at the top of the Cage, too. My guess is that JBL will be his next #1 contender.

Well, there you have it. I will be doing this again in 2 weeks for One Night Stand, where every match will be an extreme rules match. Because that worked SO well last year.

The best idea for a tournament ever

I had a weird dream. There were these bees. They all were doing Dane Cook's hand signal. Weird. They were chasing me because I called Lewis Black a faggot. Even Weirder, because Lewis Black is funny but a little crazy and I would never do that. Then they stung me, but I wasn't hurt. I sung the Beatles' "Imagine". I woke up. I kinda knew it was a dream, because if it wasn't, that would've been one of those visions you see when you take too much LSD. (Hey, that ryhmes!) Then I thought of an idea for a movie- a bee movie. No, not the one with Jerry Seinfeild that you hated but watched because your 4 year-old son wouldn't stop begging you to get off your lazy ass and take him to the movies. No. Now, they've had Snakes on a Plane, Cockroaches on a Skateboard, and even Michael Jackson and Herbert from Family Guy in a dark closet with little Timmy, but those don't even come close to the horror in this movie, titled- AFRICAN KILLER BEES IN A PURSE. It gives you the creeps already, doesn't it? Anyway, the first scene starts out with little old Mrs.McDougal from across the street, getting into her car. She sees bees, and they come towards her car. They are going to sting her, because she's too old to roll up the window or actually drive. They sting her and theopening credits roll. They show a 16 year-old girl talking to one of her boyfriends on the phone. The bees sting the crap out of her, and make a hive in her purse. In the next scene, Captain Underpants kills all the bees. The movie ends at Christmas when Tiny Tim finally gets that big red firetruck he wanted. We could even get Samuel L. Jackson to yell, "I'm tired of these motherf'n African Killer Bees in this motherf'n purse." This would would definetely win an Oscar. I'm positive of that. Anyway, I've been thinking of how much tournaments like Beat the Clock Sprints and that tourny we saw on SD suck. WWE should think of a new tournament, something more interesting. Something like, A BallPark Tournament. Some of you may be thinking, "Man, what the hell is a ballpark tournament." First of all, how dare you question me! Second of all, this tournament is a little complicated. Not as complicated as TNA's Feast or Fired, but complicated. There are 4 -6 people involved. You chose a "9th inning", or a deadline. This tournament goes on until the deadline. When you lose, you are elimanated. To win, you must have the most wins by the deadline, or you must be the last one standing. Doesn't it sound like a great tournament?

Thoughts on 5/12 Raw

Raw was good last night. Full of surprises. Here is what I liked and disliked:

GOOD STUFF:
Jeff Hardy's return was very unexpected. They said he wouldn't be back until June, but I guess he came back early. He beat Umaga, and I knew he would right after the mtach was announced.

Cade turned on Murdoch- finally. I was waiting for this to happen.

BAD STUFF:
The "Regal being the most powerful man in WWE" thing is getting retarded.

Everyting else.

CM Punk's MITB Breifcase

Happy belated Mother's day to all, and sorry I haven't blogged in quite a few days. I've been busy with my new dog. She's a beagle, and her name is Layla. After the Eric Clapton song. You actually think I'd name her after a diva? I'm not that obsessed with WWE. Anyway, at Judgement Day, Miz and Morrison are fighting Kane and Punk for the WWE tag titles. (Oh God. I don't think anyone else knew about that. Maybe I am that obsessed with WWE.) When I read about this match, I knew it would suck and thought, "What's the point of this?" Then I realized that Punk is Mr.MITB and Kane is the ECW champion. Kane and Punk would probably win, so they'd rival with Miz and Morrison until ECW One Night Stand. Every match is going to be an Extreme Rules match that night, so Punk could abandon Kane, only to cost their team the match. Punk could cash in his breifcase right then and there, and he would become the new ECW champion. This would make perfect sense, because the MITB is usually used at a lackluster PPV, and last year One Night Stand had the lowest buyrate of 2007.